


fake.

by orphan_account



Series: hamilton drabbles [13]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Fake Love, Falling Out of Love, M/M, Realization, lying to self, slightly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-07
Updated: 2017-10-07
Packaged: 2019-01-10 08:38:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12295455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: he tells himself that his love for john is real.but it's fake.it was never real.





	fake.

the shallow half-moon that rises in the sky looks fake, but that’s probably just his lack of sleep talking. he sits on the edge of the balcony, one hand absently scribbling with his quill as he looks out at the moon. it’s a very pretty night, one that he’s sure will not come about for many months to come.

he prays that everything will go okay. alexander is not sure why he prays, as he has never been a religious person, really, nor has he thought there is some sort of ‘higher power’ controlling his actions. perhaps it’s because john’s religious, and he wants john to come out alive.

alexander trusts in nothing but what his own eyes can show him, and though they can’t show him john’s ability to survive he believes that it is real. 

cold in my professions, warm in my friendships, he writes, not exactly sure why. it’s possibly inspired by the warmth that john provides where his works are cold. yes, that’s it, alexander decides, and he adds an ‘i love you’ because he really does love john. 

it’s not fake, no matter how often aaron tells him it is. “i’m in love with john,” he insists. “i’m not in love with the rush. i’m not in love with the kick.”

yet, when john kisses him, he only feels an empty… hollowness, an emptiness that makes him feel sick. it’s like how it was with eliza. before she left him, her alexander, for maria reynolds. 

it’s the feeling of falling out of love. 

but that’s not it, alexander thinks, because he really loves john. 

right?

**Author's Note:**

> anyone else listened to spring awakening? it's pretty good


End file.
